It wasn’t very loud,
But it made me jump a little
To feel this strange anomaly
Coming from my middle
And this singular event
Created quite the mental riddle
“Why do I hiccup?”

“It serves no useful purpose
In the lives of girls or men;
It strikes at inconvenient times,
It is nobody’s friend!”
I would have ranted more
Except it showed itself again
I hiccupped.

“This symptom must be stopped!” I said
“The hiccup must be cured!
It has the most annoying sound
That I have ever heard!
Two are bad enough!” said I,
And right then came a third
I hiccupped.

I ran inside the house,
And in the kitchen, poured a drink.
Water was the best cure
Of which my brain could think
But shortly after I had gulped
The liquid from the sink
I hiccupped.

“Standing upside down” I said
“I’ve heard that sometimes works!”
And so, with head where feet should go
I stood up in reverse
But if hiccups stink while upright
Upside-down they’re even worse
Because I hiccupped.

I sat down and thought about
This quandary of mine
“Maybe hiccups are not innocent
Maybe they’re not benign
Maybe they’re a sinister
Apocalyptic sign
Of something worse!”

“Maybe tiny aliens
Invaded while I slept!
One-eyed yellow blobby things
From the planet Zeppt!
They’ve come to rule the world
And are especially adept
At making hiccups!”

“They’ve come to take us all
And destroy the human race!
They want to wipe us out
And make the Earth their Zepptian base!
Humanity is doomed
And unable to displace
These alien hiccups!”

And as imagination
Gave me momentary fear
I’d scared the hiccups out of me
There were no more to hear
My lungs were quite okay
And my respiration clear
I had no hiccups.

We are gathered here today
To celebrate our friend.
His spirit is still with us,
Though his life, it sadly ends.

For those who do not know the tale
It began at 8 o’clock, when
I had a minor hankering
To raid my fridge’s stock.

I opened up those fateful doors
To satisfy my belly
And there they stood, my heart’s desire,
Peanut butter and jelly.

‘I shall make a sandwich’,
But no sooner had I said it,
Than the light betwixt them flickered,
And my plans required an edit.

The fridge’s light was dimmed,
And its time was nearly spent.
That moment was the last I’d see
Of its filament.

The light diminished rapidly.
I watched in fear and dread;
Until the light turned into black
And I knew

The bulb was dead.

I hung there momentarily
A chill ran up my neck.
(I had the fridge’s door open,
What’d I expect?)

I thought of all the instances
We’d enjoyed each other the most;
Then with a heavy heart,
I unscrewed him from his post.

And so I stand before you all,
Refrigerator food.
I admit I didn’t know old Blinky
Quite as well as you.

Nevertheless, I’m not ashamed
To say he left his mark.
Remember, ‘Light bulbs never die,
They merely lose their spark’.